An undetermined number of Republicans are enjoying “Tea Party Woodstock”; placing those three words together just isn't right. Twelve years old when the original Woodstock spawned the porta-potty industry, my parents decided that I was too young to accept the freaky next door neighbor’s invitation to tag along. I fought back tears watching Shorty drive away in his camper-hearse.
Six years later, one of the hairier non-traditional students from my freshman orientation class captivated me and other pucca-shelled student union hipsters with vague recollections of his long weekend spent tripping on Max Yasgar’s farm. Mr. Mike compressed the iconic event into no food, hallucinations and mucky fucking. When asked about the music, he shrugged and shook his head.
The last time I saw Mr. Mike he was in the custody of campus security. But he looked happy.
Gathered outside Majority Leader Harry Reid’s hometown, Preparation H Woodstock has attracted top names in the pandering industry. Sarah Palin, fresh from helping shove John McCain’s reputation even further down the crapper, is flying in to shake her money maker. Sarah’s backup singers include Joe the Plumber, Andrew Breitbart and Newsmax sensation, Hannah Giles. Too bad Hannah’s partner is still sorting out his legal situation. I’m sure the mob would love to see James O’Keefe and Hannah reprise their classic rendition of “Moo Woo Woo” -- especially if wearing traditional Irish pimp and ’ho costumes.
Laura Meyers, a Las Vegas Review-Journal reporter, arrived early and filed this little peek into real America:
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Dave Alexander, a Las Vegas tour guide, was already selling souvenir T-shirts featuring a yellow-flag “Don’t Tread on Me” motto. It’s a Tea Party favorite.
“Sarah gave me the courage and the incentive to get off my La-Z-Boy recliner and stop cussing at the politicians on TV and start getting out and doing something,” said Alexander, smoking a cigarette and wearing a red, white and blue baseball cap. He said he would sleep on site in his Toyota Tundra double-cap pickup with a couple of friends. His lunch was spray cheese on Ritz crackers.
“We’ll be roughing it a bit, I guess,” he said.
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I almost forgot that Victoria Jackson is beaming in to share her social studies skill with Dave and fellow gourmets. The former SNL comedienne is best known for performing hand-stands while warbling. Oddly enough, this unique talent didn’t segue into silver screen stardom.
Juan,
ReplyDeleteYour take on John McCain's reputation even understates the case. I have wondered at just what would make a man—who has plenty of money to live above all of his political tormentors, who has a reputation (at least)of being a war hero, who had up until 2008 a solid (I'm kind here) reputation in the U.S. Senate—what would make such a man lower himself to the point that he would have to beg Sarah Palin to pull his shrinking testicles from the fire?
Why wouldn't such a man simply tell his Stone Age constituents, "I am who I am, I don't need a fractional governor from the Land of Frozen Rednecks to stiffen up my résumé, and if you want to send me into retirement to my 7 fucking houses, filled to the vaulted ceilings with my wife's money, then have at it. Fuck you, fuck J.D. Hayworth, and fuck the Republican Party, if its phone booth-sized tent doesn't have room for me."
Sad. Very sad.
Duane
Duane,
ReplyDeleteTrying to understand McCain’s downward trajectory is beyond my pay grade. He is certainly not the politician he was ten years ago. A media darling during the 2000 campaign, the calculated decision to appease the party’s base, embracing the right-wing policies of his successful rival has exposed both his reckless ambition and unabashed cynicism. While some politicians evolve over time -- Ted Kennedy is a splendid example of someone who buckled down and fought the good fight -- McCain’s career has devolved into shameless pander and pathos.
More and more of his media admirers are expressing their disillusion with the former Maverick. Either he was never the independent, straight-shooter the fawning press groupies found so appealing, or a burning lust for power corroded his personal integrity. It’s is rather sad that he’s playing sidekick to the single worst political decision in recent memory. As to why he does not retire from public life, I can only assume that he is desperate to salvage his damaged reputation through reelection. Alas, riding on Palin’s leather coattails seems more like a deal with the devil than redemption.