Shrouds

The Heritage Foundation’s amnesia primer for post-Bush conservatives: Forget the fact that reconciliation has been used 22 times since 1980; forget the fact that Republicans have facilitated the legislative maneuver 17 of those; erase all memory that the “nuclear option” extended the 2006 tax holiday for the wealthy.

Rinse and repeat until uncontrollable drooling seeps evenly from both sides of mouth.

Republicans find reconciliation an abhorrent perversion only when wielded by a Democratic majority. Or perhaps reconciliation is deemed a legitimate exercise if the legislation in question has been thoroughly vetted by Glenn Beck. Glenn, an expert on George Washington’s opinions about 21st century America, is the go-to guy for those who can’t converse with dead people. Senator Jim DeMint doesn’t have Glenn’s “gift”. He must resort to crude historical revisionism when declaring reconciliation an affront to the late General and his deceased contemporaries. As to which General DeMint has in mind when lashing out at simple majority rule remains an open question. Well known for his flighty Confederate sensibilities, there is solid evidence to believe DeMint’s General is Lee.
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LOCAL EDITORIAL
By Hansen B. Babbitt, Jr.
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One out of every three Muslims killed by missiles fired from U.S. drones in Afghanistan isn’t an evil-doer. At first blush I found this number appalling. But after brief reflection, I decided the ratio could be worse. Defeating Terror is messy business: accidentally ruining Afshan’s wedding day just because an errant bomb lands on loved ones is her bad for being in the wrong place and the wrong time -- like me at my first wedding. Although no one was ripped apart or vaporized, a very unhappy violin player’s delicate instrument suffered serious moisture damage after incidental contact with airborne booze.

Horror, like beauty, is the eye (or fret) of the beholder.

Should three out of three goat herders suffer collateral damage, we born-again fiscal conservatives will spray our poseur-flavored spittle all over the criminal misuse of taxpayer dollars.

To further pound home my mastery of common sense, I know that extending unemployment benefits is an outrage. Public money finding its way into the pockets of lazy deadbeats is anathema to the principles of Adam Smith’s free-market. Doling out cash to corporations is, however, an acceptable way to ensure campaign contributions flow into the right coffers; greasing the wheels of freedom and God’s invisible palm is the only way to ensure my offspring will avoid a diet of dirt burritos.

Killing idle Muslims who aren’t ‘jihading’ is wasteful spending. It dishonors the unfunded war against Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction.

Don’t get me started on labor unions, monkeys or footballs. Liberals fail to "get" my "cub bear playing with pecker" lunge at satire.

There, I’ve glued that sucker shut. It's time for cookies and a smoke.