Rando

Rando,

Well, the mysterious case of ‘Just Who the Fuck is Shelly Dreyer?’ has certainly taken an interesting turn.

Since Anson failed to include questions and answers from his “interviews", I thought I’d have some fun.

Showdown at the 609 Club, featuring Anson Burlingame and local hack politician, Shelly Dreyer. The intrepid submariner is not about to let her pull the wool over his eyes. One tough son-of-a-bitch conservative, Anson has spent twenty minutes concocting questions that will determine whether or not Shelly, a god damned trial lawyer, can survive his brutal but brilliant interrogation without dissolving into a puddle of piss. There won’t be any quarter given, no sir. Keen beyond any reasonable definition, only Anson can determine if Shelly is a true Republican or just another liberal pussy pulling a fast one.

Anson: Okay, Shelly, what’s the square root of 137?
Shelly: What?
Anson: Come on! You heard me. I thought trial lawyers were smart. Let‘s go, I have a dozen more “nukes” waiting in the wings! (Snaps his fingers).
Shelly: I don’t know.
Anson: I figured as much. Okay, Shelly, so tell me why I shouldn’t think you’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing?
Shelly: Why would you think that?
Anson: Hey, I’m asking the questions here! You sue doctors, don’t you?
Shelly: Wow, you’re the toughest cross examiner I’ve ever met.
Anson: Really?
Shelly: Swear to God. Did you practice law?
Anson: Hardly, I was the captain of a nuclear submarine.
Shelly: Holy cow! Now that’s impressive!
Anson: Damn straight! So, if you aren’t a wolf in sheep clothing, are you a traditional Jasper County conservative ideologue?
Shelly: Yes.
Anson: Hmmm. You sure?
Shelly: I’m just your typical gun-loving, tax-hating, Christian conservative who is firmly convinced that liberalism poses a greater threat to our freedom than Muslim terrorists.
Anson: Fair enough. Okay, how old is the Earth?
Shelly: Really old.
Anson: You’re going to have to do better than that.
Shelly: Millions and millions of years old?
Anson: Wrong! (Pounds fist on the table) It’s four billion years old!
Shelly: Okay. (Looks at her watch). You know, I’d love to spend more time talking with you, but I have to give…I mean take a deposition. I have to say that I’m really, really impressed with your questions. I can see why you write such great editorials.
Anson: And my blog?
Shelly: Blog?
Anson: (Narrows his eyes ). You haven’t read my blog?
Shelly: I’m sorry, I don’t spend much time on the internet.
Anson: Well, that’s unfortunate. I write a damn fine blog for the paper. Carol said it should win an award.
Shelly: I can see why, if it’s anything like your editorials.
Anson: One last question: Paper or plastic?
Shelly: Plastic?
Anson: Good answer! That was a trick question. Had you said paper, I’d know you’re an impostor!
Shelly: Amazing! Perry Mason has nothing on you.