Scott Brown, the conservative Republican running to occupy the late Ted Kennedy’s senate seat, has a tea bag problem. No, not the kind you dip into hot water or (old Walther League rules prohibit me from providing a detailed description of the other definition) but the post-Obama incarnation of the caffeinated plant or (okay, a man-sack lowered into an orifice commonly used to hold a lighted cigarette). Scott Brown is a political tea bagger. He has accepted money from the movement’s various donation-seeking offshoots; and he has spoke at rallies where angry white people display their dyslexic prowess with cardboard and Magic Marker.
But Scott doesn’t remember taking their money or entertaining the shallow end of America’s gene pool. When pressed on the question, he feigns amnesia. This sudden memory loss might work if not for the fact that 4,906 websites have posted photos of Scott speaking at a tea bag hootenanny -- not to mention the paper trail that shows his campaign has eagerly accepted cash from the pale horde. You’d think that his compatriots would get pissed at Scott for playing Peter to their Bejezbus. It’s tacky to take someone’s money and then pretend you don’t know them. But then Scott could be just another elitist, afraid to be associated with citizens who still find the mullet a cutting-edge hair style. Granted, the chilly New England climate isn’t a tea bagger’s natural habitat. It has to be uncomfortable showing off back tattoos when the air temperature is below freezing. (This is a guess. It’s impossible to determine what someone with a full back tattoo would or wouldn‘t find physically painful). So maybe he figures that publicly snubbing the rabble won’t cost him many votes.
Hold on, I’m receiving an urgent message from C.O.N.T.R.O.L. Well, I must modify this posting to accommodate incoming information. It seems The Boston Globe’s reporting is not quite accurate. Scott appears to have said he’s “not unfamiliar” with tea baggers just that he was reluctant to “get into a discussion of Tea Partiers or his relationship or connection to the movement”. I can’t blame a conservative politician from Massachusetts for that. Should I ever be questioned about my association with The True Realization’s annual Jamaican pig roast and extreme lawn dark tournament, I’d give a similar response.
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No, officer, I’m not unfamiliar with the event, but I really don’t want to discuss my relationship or connection to the incident in question.
How do you define “hosting” the event?
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Juan Don
Juan,
ReplyDeleteI heard another piece, some of it puffy, on Scott Brown this morning on that unbelievably liberal NPR. In fact, NPR is so liberal that it feels it necessary to disguise its liberalism so that a liberal like me sometimes finds it difficult to tell whether I am listening to a liberal program or merely segments that failed to make the cut on Fox "News."
Anyway, thinking about Mr. Brown, I find it hard to understand how he escapes his dilemma, unless he somehow summons the ghost of a very dead Houdini, whose admirers have so far failed to contact him in the land beyond.
If Mr. Brown is the pragmatist some enlightened journalists are claiming he is, then he will no doubt make many enemies among those who purchase tattoo ink paycheck to paycheck. If it turns out he is simply a 98% pure Republican, then he will be okay, at least until the Republicans complete their takeover of the government and have to start governing like Republicans again. Right now they can satisfy those man-sacks lowered into an orifice commonly used to hold lighted cigarettes by simply opposing Big O's efforts to take his thick plastic extractor and clean up the shit from previous Republican governance.
Wait—that was part of my comment on your "big day at Chow Acre."
My bad.
Duane
Duane,
ReplyDeleteAs usual the comment is spot on. I'm in the process of seeking K's "Love" to refresh my memory over our very recent conversation. Always a pleasure to discuss the finer points of humanity.
Without(hopefully)sounding redundant, keep the good work.
Juan