Makeshift Socratic Method

*If wingnuts believe a 5-4 Supreme Court ruling is “unanimous”, what do they call the Minnesota Supreme Court’s 5-0 decision awarding Al Franken the state’s other US Senate seat? Using Stuart Taylor’s definition of “unanimous”, the Giants nipped the Cardinals in a 10 to zip nail biter.

*Assuming that Rush Limbaugh’s borrowed description of President Obama as a “post-colonial African Marxist dictator“ is true, does that mean dittoheads think a post-colonial Australian Marxist dictator would be less likely to play the race card?

*If Rep. Michele Bachmann can be taught the complexities of the word ‘census‘, will her eyes finally blink?

*What is the dress code for the upcoming July 4th tea bagging sequel? Can local dullards wear tank tops and flip flops in lieu of sweat stained Founding Father costumes? If I can don my sun dress and gold Cleopatra sandals, I’ll provide patriotic cymbal clangs whenever John Putnam mentions Obama’s mysterious birth certificate or bemoans the darkside of community organizing.

*Because Gov. Mark Sanford refers to Maria Belen Chapur as his “soul mate”, do born-again evangelicals regard Jenny as an unfortunate case of mistaken identity? I have the nagging suspicion that Cameron Diaz is my “soul mate”. Alas, my lack of Promise Keeper credentials denies Ms. Diaz from experiencing the hovel’s Third World enchantment and Juan's languid lovemaking. There may be other contributing factors that keep us apart, but self-evaluation has never been on my ‘to do’ list. However, in the unlikely scenario that we meet, I’m pretty sure that divine providence will prevail…eventually; assuming the ensuing restraining order is time sensitive.

*Why don’t Glenn Beck junkies terrify President Obama with chunks of pulled pork and prove, once and for all, that he’s a Muslim.

*Just because Sarah Palin signed e-mails announcing the birth of her last child “Trig’s creator, Your Heavenly Father”, liberals shouldn’t automatically assume that she’s taken narcissism to Biblical proportions. Hasn’t everyone substituted their given name for The Lord’s when signing Christmas cards? Or sent out thank you cards to friends for remembering your birthday -- even if the birthday/Christmas cards were the agnostic Happy Holidays variety? Although I’m not obsessed with money, I am disappointed if there’s no cash included.

Juan Don