Dear Juan,
Are skag and skank interchangeable? I say skag is descriptive, as in Rhonda has skaggy hair. Skank, on the other hand, is definitive: Rhonda can have skaggy hair and not be a skank, but a skank is a skank regardless of skaggy hair. Am I right?
Cy Risk
Septic Creek, Colorado
Dear Cy,
I believe you’re trying to imply that skag is an adjective and skank is a noun: A skank can have skaggy hair, but it’s grammatically gauche to say a skag has skanky hair. However, it’s hello Holiday Inn if I said, “You look skanky” to my ball and chain after her mane has been freshly mowed. The insult is immediately recognized, and I’m scouring the dusty dresser looking for clean underwear. At this point grammatical correctness plays a secondary role to nicking her credit card amid the ensuing melee.
To be on the safe side, do what I do and appropriate innocuous words or phrases in lieu of apparent affronts. Judging from your interest in this specialized area of offensive slang, I suspect you’re not known as the George Clooney of Septic Creek. Unless you prefer auto-eroticism over interactive coitus, utilizing a more imaginative vocabulary might charm the moo-moo off some lucky gal who finds the comb over hot. Years ago I replaced fuck with baby doll as my loud reaction to missed four foot putts. Even though screaming baby doll hasn’t improved my stroke, I’m no longer on the course marshal’s dook list. You’d be surprised how people respond when told to go baby doll themselves, especially when said in a soft, effeminate voice.
Give it a shot. Retool skank into sweetie pie or the common honey. There’s a sense of empowerment in maligning women without their knowledge. Look how far Rush Limbaugh has gone. Who knew switching bitch for Feminazi was a gold mine? A trophy wife may not be in your future, but you can enjoy the next rum & Coke without worrying where cocktail waitresses insert the lime before serving.
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