Dear Juan,
Maybe it’s nothing but lately I’ve noticed my dog’s penis tastes funny. Is this weather related or should I take Barker to the vet?*
Shelly Skibbe
Cape Girardeau, Missouri
Dear Shelly,
That’s up to you. If you decide to see the vet I wouldn’t elaborate on why you’re concerned about his todger. I’d say something like, “Barker scratches a lot down there” or “Should his thingy be that red?” Obviously you’ve had enough oral intimacy with the pooch to discern a difference in flavor. I’m not sure what “funny” means, but whatever change has occurred must not be a mouth watering treat.
Going out on a limb, I’d look into what you eat or drink before sharing downtime with Barker. Are you taking prescription medication? Maybe this might explain the unwelcome tang. I’d give it some time before seeking treatment. While I’m remarkably open-minded, there are those who would recoil in horror if your abnormal display of affection became public. In fact, I hope Shelly Skibbe is not your real name. There are times when seeking the cover of anonymity is a wise decision. A dog lover myself, I prefer mundane physical contact, such as ear and belly rubbing. Barker may consider these examples of less amorous affection tame by comparison, but keep in mind the odds of catching weird diseases dramatically decrease when limiting contact to hand-on-fur.
My craving for cocktail shrimp has mysteriously disappeared.
*Thanks to fellow Buddhist, Garry Shandling.
No comments:
Post a Comment