1. The complete collapse of late 20th century conservatism is due to:
A: Ergot poisoning
B: An Australian billionaire
C: Home schooling
D: Internet-accessible gay porn
E: Retired postal workers
2. President Barack Obama’s political ideology is best described as:
A: Black Panther Marxism
B: Black Post-Colonial African Marxism
C: Full Monty Communism
D: Ivy League careerism
E: Something so horrific Mark Levine is reduced to squealing in Porpoise
3. Conservatives believe socialized medicine will:
A: Kill Momo & Popo
B: Arouse God’s Old Testament wrath
C: Unleash an army of zombie whores
D: Make abortions wildly popular
E: Besmirch the breast implant industry
4. The difference between Mormonism and Scientology is:
A: Mormons own a Mountain West Conference football team
B: Will Smith can become a Scientologist
C: Joseph Smith never owned a yacht
D: Mormons frown on women marrying brother-husbands
E: Roughly 100 billion dollars in off-shore accounts
5. The United States Census is:
A: Diabolical
B: Insidious
C: A form
D: Che Guevara’s dissertation
E: Practical joke played on young libertarians by ACORN-funded welfare queens
6. If Glenn Beck’s rectum had the power of speech it would:
A: Yodel
B: Become Candies’ spokes-rectum for abstinence only sex education
C: Travel the world with Sarah Palin as her Ed McMahon, shouting “Hey Oh!”
D: Recite apocalyptic free-verse beat poetry while Glenn provides weepy bongo drum accompaniment
E: Sell gold
7. Conservatives believe torture is:
A: Sacred Cheney family tradition
B: Stevie Nicks singing “O Holy Night”
C: Daytona 500 rain delays
D: Filling out the dreaded census
E: Great sex
Bonus: What is the name of former South Carolina Board of Education member Kristin Maguire’s most recent online pornographic short story?
Hint: Think “The Colonel and Mavis” share a hot tub with Roger Stone
Juan Don
My Amigo. What do you mean IF Beck talks through his ass?
ReplyDeleteOkay, okay. Did Kristin do the Dixie Dumbass.You know, Mark Whothefuckcares?
That man is looney. The Insane Asylum across the street from the Governors mansion had a big banner that said, Welcome Back, Mark.
I wonder just how bow wow the real wives of guys like Delay, Inhofe, etal really are. There should be a website.
BTW, Mr. Yellowman got a good report about his bones density.
Who the hell is Roger Stone? Is that the weather guy on Channel 7?
Thank God for radio.
Jane is always happy to see you.
Jane,
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased to hear that Mr. Yellowman's test result was positive. Before long he'll be his old self: Look out hen house! Roger Stone is a longtime GOP operative. A while back he and his wife were exposed as...gasp...swingers! Not that I have a problem with that. Alas, my rope is too short to swing, so I just sit on the see-saw and hope for the occasional hard bounce. Yes, I know combining Beck's ass and mouth is redundant. But I wanted to use the Ed McMahon joke. Remember, I'm in perennial rehab.
Peace, love and Bobby Sherman,
Juannie