Mr. Yellowman is retiring. He’s throwing off the yoke for well deserved respite. He’ll soon be free to pursue his passion for photography with unrestrained abandon. Known as the barnyard Mapplethorpe, his black and white prints featuring sultry fowl have replaced the painted handsaw as cutting-edge country kitchen art. Exhausting the common goose’s sensual potential in “Coquettish Quack”, Mr. Yellowman’s contribution to pestiferous coffee table clutter is one of Lawrence County’s better kept secrets. No longer chained to time’s ponderous anchor, the gifted shutterbug can now complete what many believe will be his crowning achievement. Without giving too much away, let’s just say that when finished the chicken’s underappreciated sexuality will finally receive its due.
This momentous event cannot go uncelebrated. The True Realizations’ indoor gardening committee is planning a blowout worthy of the occasion. Providing the perfect soundtrack for disorganized line dancing, The Brush Hog Five or Six will set up shop in the ancestral cow barn; for those who prefer to trip the light fantastic with less hay, Patty Liner’s digeridoo tribute to Buffy Saint Marie is sure to raise neck hairs, and allow those with orthopedic issues an opportunity to bunny hug without bending their knees. Ask to read from “Disremembered”, a collection of prescription strength cough syrup-induced clerihews, I’m still in negotiation with party organizers. Convinced my clerihews pack more poetic punch sans partial, the organizers do not share this sentiment. Hopefully, the impasse will be resolved without one of my artiste fits. But I wouldn’t bet on it.
There’s a rumor that Marta Hari’s agoraphobia is in remission. If true, the legendary bon viand’s presence would be icing on Mr. Yellowman’s retirement cake. The Madame Curie of the modern lap dance, her prowess with flaming pasties is still regarded as the cusp of pre-Reagan era titty bar entertainment. She is a goddess. I plan to plant my lawn chair firmly in the path of her precious talent.
Juan Don
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