Nude Lunch

The Republican Party purge is on in earnest. Arlen Specter, who has made a living occupying right-of-center senate floor space, pulled a Talleyrand and narrowly escaped Committee of Societal Evolution Public Safety exterminators determined to extinguish all traces of political moderation. The Ladies of Maine, less flexible than the nimble Pennsylvanian, are hoping that their geographical distance from Dixie poses logistical problems for directionally challenged dittoheads. Who knows where a Jeep load of Societal Evolution sancolots would wind up if venturing too far north from their native Rush Room? (To those unfamiliar with EIB lexicology, Rush Room and Hooters are synonymous. Many lost dittoheads have been saved from endless interstate U-turns thanks to the aroma of greasy chicken wings and J-cup encased mammary glands).

Tickled pink that Specter has decided to throw down with Democrat Socialists, endangered RNC emcee Michael Steele expressed cautious optimism that the defection would energize the twenty percent who still admit they’re Republicans: Whittling the party down to complete irrelevance is an obvious lurch toward reclaiming majority status. To further illustrate how in tune Steele is with voters under the age of 40, he has suggested Congressional Republicans refer to each other as ’dawg’ and upgrade their album collections to include Vanilla Ice and Ratt.
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Tangent: Thanks to Rep. Michele Bachmann, I’m up to speed on the “Hoot-Smalley Act”. I’m embarrassed to admit that this pivotal piece of legislation escaped me. In case you didn’t know, the “Hoot-Smalley Act” requires inter-galactic space travelers to pay taxes on purchases over 50 diddlequacks. This dropping of obscure American History would make fine fertilizer for KZRG’s brain-teasing trivia garden. (Personally I think the ‘news’ station would attract more car radio traffic if they replaced trivia with an “enhanced interrogation” sound effects game. Hank Rotten, Jr. could make noises while contestants tried to guess the specific type of torture being administered. Granted, waterboarding would be relatively easy to pick out -- gurgle, gurgle, etc.-- but mimicking a towel wrapped head being bounced against concrete might tax Rotten’s comedic skill).
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Mr. Yellowman’s Word ‘O the Day: Shuck (slang): Foreplay before the act of jiving.

Juan Don