the advent sweater

Before too long Glenn Beck’s live version of "The Christmas Sweater" will become a cult classic. He works up quite a ‘sweat’ during his one kook performance. I doubt if Charles Dickens needed to change shirts during his famous reading of "A Christmas Carol." But then Victorian hams were considerably less demonstrative in public. There is every reason to believe that Glenn would’ve been clubbed straight to Bedlam Hospital’s notorious rubber room if unleashing his pseudo-autobiographical poltergeist upon old London Music Hall patrons. Although Victorian middle-class propriety is considered repressive by our more flexible social mores, there is something to be said for keeping the mentally unstable locked away from ladies and small children.
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I refuse to opine about Tiger Woods’ poor driving skills. As someone known to take rather wide turns, it would be hypocritical of me to throw stones. My one and only comment about the affair is that I’d be tickled pink if a comely young woman used synonyms for large to describe my rusty pecker.
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Thanks to Anson Burlingame, I’ve rekindled my affection for the quotation mark. Taking timeout from an unauthorized Burl Garvin biography, I killed several minutes experimenting with Anson-esque prose. The initial attempts were so-so. Here are a few examples:

Sometimes I think I “know” things and other times things get “gooey”, especially in the “bathroom.”

I “posted” a reply to Duane Graham. His “take” on “stuff” is irritating as hell. How do we “pay” for health care? Let’s get “real”. If somebody is too poor to get “sick”, tough periscope. Who said life was “fair?“ I knew a guy who had back “trouble” and received a welfare check every month for just sitting around on his “ass." Liberals believe this is “good." It’s not! It’s “bad”, just like the guy who claims he “weed-eats” around my pool but doesn’t.

Perhaps brandy and a pinch or three of Jack the Ripper is required to fully explore the style’s creative possibilities. This morning I incorporated finger gestures-cum-quotes to explain why the dishes weren’t “done."

Juan Don