talent on loan from carbonite

It was a given that Rush Limbaugh and the other 1,348 imitators were going to give Barack Hussein Obama the business. The very notion that somebody named Barack Hussein Obama had a shot at winning the White House was enough to send rich radio blowhards into the kind of wild panic usually associated with flying coach. In six short months, Obama has become the Messiah and the Anti-Christ, with a little Chicago street thug thrown in for added color. My personal favorite is “post-colonial African Marxist dictator”. I know; it’s confusing. I’m sure Dobson didn’t plan on Black Jesus returning in leopard skin sash and pimp hat, handing out copies of “Das Kapital”.

Although I’m not fond of using clichés, Fox Nation has called President Obama everything but a white man. And he has another three and half years left in office. That’s a long time for Glenn Beck to stay on his "Common Sense" suicide watch. (Beck likes to pretend he’s the flip side of MLK, Jr. He may not get to the truck stop with fellow tea baggers, but he can see the flashing neon sign). Mark Levine should have paced his pot boiler with greater care. I’m barely into the third chapter of “Barry’s Death Panel” and the mendacious anti-hero has euthanized Sarah Palin’s baby. What’s planned for the climax, diplomatic relations with Iran?

Foreign Affairs: It was a terrible thing for Bill Clinton to facilitate the release of captured environmentalists. G. Gordon Liddy is livid. I agree: Dealing with the North Koreans is a sign of weakness. Liddy, the toughest ex-con on Wisteria Lane, once bit off both middle fingers because the prison vending machine was out of Twix.

Speaking of National Socialism, Charlie Rose is the perfect candidate to convene a meeting between corporate media tycoons and determine the fine line between real Nazis and dumb, white psychopaths. The slur will soon lose its sting if guidelines for usage aren’t clearly defined. To be fair and balanced, angry affordable health care opponents shouldn’t draw swastikas on their placards when “townhalling” public discussions. Sadly, the original Nazis permanently trashed whatever good vibes ancient Hindus had in mind when they were arranging bent right angles. The tea baggers should stick to old fashioned Know-Nothing mob sensibilities and hang offensive Democrats in effigy.

Cursed with chronic empathy, I’ll cut “The Doctor of Democracy” some slack and stack his bull shitting rant comparing President Obama to Hitler atop an already voluminous pile. The meat head is well known for playing fast and loose with historical accuracy. Like Woody Allen’s Needleman, he may well believe Hitler worked for the gas company. Hell, America’s Anchorman can’t wrap his trussed mind around the fact that it was Mussolini’s Black Shirts who attacked labor unions. Maybe there’s someone at The Heritage Foundation who can walk him through the definition of fascism. Odds are good that he’ll find it appealing.

Juan Don