Friday, March 27, 2009

Larry's Fine

Counting the cover letter, House Republicans offered a detailed 18 page budget proposal to counter President Obama’s FY2010 federal spending frenzy. Complete with several graphs, the GOP’s response was complimented by Washington Post columnist David Broder for using Kinko’s instead of Rep. Roy Blunt’s old mimeograph machine -- the one he liberated from Springfield, Missouri’s courthouse before Union troops could confiscate Confederate property. With tears in his eyes, House Minority Leader John Boehner pleaded with eight reporters to take special note of page six. Unfortunately, page six was missing from the classy cobalt blue binders.

Clearly frustrated, Rep. Mike Pence, former talk radio shock jock and Bass Pro Shop underwear model, Moe-slapped Rep. Eric Cantor for not taking the situation seriously. Cantor, annoyed by the unexpected cuffing, pointed out that Rep. Michelle Bachmann was wearing a gorilla suit. Verging forth from the tussling public servants, Rep. David Dreier shouted out that keeping the Bush tax cuts was the only way to thwart President Obama’s scheme to redistribute corporate wealth, drawing hooted agreement from CNBC‘s Jim Cramer. The press conference was saved from becoming another ill-conceived reality show when Rep. Paul Ryan started chanting USA! USA! On cue, the Republican delegation, sparklers in hand, formed a loose circle around the nearest ATM machine.
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Joe the Plumber Update: Sam Wurzlebacher, the non-plumber/journalist and self-professed “horny guy” has weighed in on the Employee Free Choice Act. He’s against it. Although it’s not clear how Sam is paying his bar tab these days, Americans for Prosperity spokesperson Mary Ellen Burke said, “He represents the American worker”. Coming to after a lengthy Captain Crunch binge, Juan Don’s reply to Miss Burke was expressed metaphysically through the use of enigmatic Yaqui silence.
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From the Madame Rosa File: “Gov. Sarah Palin’s political action committee (SARAHPAC) may be less about funding her presidential ambitions and more about paying off her mounting legal bills, rumored to be half a million dollars. Fending off myriad charges of violating state ethics gets expensive. More troubling financial news for the governor is that the proposed $11 million dollar book deal advance is on hold; as her popularity fades so does her market value. Compounding her woes, Sen. Lisa Murkowski has no intention of vacating her seat in order to advance Palin’s national political ambitions and Republican state legislators are going public voicing their dismay at the governor’s job performance -- or lack thereof. It’s reasonable to conclude that the glaring media spotlight hasn’t enhanced her reputation with fellow Alaskans. Her re-election chances, once considered a done deal, have become problematical

Assuming that Palin is serious about a presidential bid in 2012, losing her office via the ballot box would erase her previous claim of being the nation’s most popular state governor. If she decides not to seek re-election over fears of being voted out of office, then her handlers will be hard pressed to come up with a viable rationale explaining why the “popular” reformer opted not to seek another term. I won’t go near Jasper Bass’ snarky query: How would her rightwing evangelical supports react to yet another bastard grandchild?
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Interesting website of the day: http://baselinescenario.com/

JB

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